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Post by patrick on Oct 19, 2007 9:29:40 GMT 8
This usually happens in elementary school but I've seen it JHS, too. I just had this happen in my 3rd grade ES class this morning.
I used to tread lightly with these kinds of students until I realized it's not my fault. These students have some type of background where they are either too sheltered, protected or taught that mistakes are not good. Because I tend to encourage mistakes in my classes, I don't feel bad if a student starts crying because I provide the most positive and healthy environment possible for the kids. I mean, come on...what other place do you know that you can actually receive points for making mistakes? I'm a firm believer that these children haven't been brainwashed too much in everything must be perfect the first time out. I believe it's not too late for these students; I think with enough reassurance and encouragement, I think I can still change their thinking and let them know that it's okay to make mistakes, as that's what learning is all about.
Anyways, how do you handle these situations? Do you personally feel bad? Do these students affect your class?
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Post by regi2 on Oct 19, 2007 12:10:26 GMT 8
I had a kid cry in my club class at elementary yesyterday.
Normally I just ignore them; like you said, they just do it cause of how they've been taught to react in such situations (or not taught really).
In this case though, the kid was trying REALLY hard at a 'where are the stickers' game and was evidently asking a hell of a lot of questions. More than any other kid, but he kept missing out (although his questions gave the other kids who did find the stickers and win, big hints). He was crying out of frustration of trying and trying and trying but never getting there, but he also realised that his enthusiasm was helping the other kids to win. He was like a 3rd Grade student who obviously goes to Juku. I gave him a 'you tried your bloody best' sticker.
As you always say its all 'case-by-case'. But if its a kid who is crying for attention or just being a sook. Let em cry if it makes them feel better. Jut put them to the side so that they don't distract the other kids.
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Post by matt on Oct 22, 2007 10:10:10 GMT 8
I had one time in Jr. high when a kid cried. My JTE was demanding an answer out of her and she was struggling to say it, being the only kid still standing after a warmup game. The student then started crying. My JTE basically told her to say it, even though it was through tears. The kid finally said it- whispered it, really- and because of the length of time it took to get an answer, it had to suffice.
The problems in the classroom are from the ground up, and there are any number of reasons for kids crying...and for other classroom behavior. For me, a bigger problem (although related) is kids being too shy (and if I point them out in class, they'll start crying, but very quietly). There is this one kid in class who is so shy he won't even look anyone in the eye. And after class is over he just wanders off and stands in a corner, facing the corner. It's like he's one of those vacuum cleaner-robots that wanders around the room- but it's like he got stuck in a corner and is just standing there. He is so shy he is crippled. He cannot function in class or outside of class, and if he sees me looking at him he just crumples- literally- down to his desk. It's not that he's stupid- he can do most of the written homework- it's just that he's shy. I talked to the other teachers about him, and they just think he's shy, that's all. They don't see it as being a real problem. Which is what leads me to think this is a bigger problem than what meets the eye. The society as a whole tends to let this kind of behavior slide (both crying in class and being super shy), and pass it off as something which isn't really a problem.
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Post by hellndie on Oct 23, 2007 9:14:26 GMT 8
crying kids.. hmm.. i had a 6th yr ES kid cried on me ON MY FIRST DAY teaching at the ES. It was a class of 6 kids... generally, kids should be more active in such a small class. However this particular child just wanna cry. It was self-introduction around the classroom. This child decided to stare at you for a few mins as if you were an alien and then bursted into tears. You would think this child was just too shy to speak... I, later, found out that this child could be really mean... this child was pushing other kids around during lunch (for fun I suppose). Therefore I ruled out the "shy in class" hypothesis and thought maybe its just because it was the first time meeting the ALT. A year later, this child went to JHS (I taught in a small town, so generally all my ES kids would become my JHS kids)... the same thing happened. It was an interview game -- you interview one another and janken to get the signature, etc. This child, for some reasons, maybe another kid said something ... decided to drop his/her pencil, sat on the floor, head on his/her knees and cried. The teacher went over to comfort the child but it sort of encouraged the kid to keep on crying as if it wasn't distracting the whole class yet. Everyone was trying to enjoy the activity but it was so distracting bc this kid sat in the center of the room crying. For the straight 40mins, this child did not get up from the floor at all... even at the end of class when everyone stood up and said g'bye, this child was still on the floor crying!
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Post by smoothie on Oct 24, 2007 12:58:53 GMT 8
I think the main problem behind all this is the way the kids are brought up here in Japan. They are spoiled beyond our imagination until the age when they have to start school and ofcourse we all know that teachers in Japan are also substitute parents to them and they are the ones who have to enforce/ teach kids about human relations, socialy acceptable/non-acc. behaviour etc. I have a friend in Tokyo and she has a son. When I stayed over at her house (which was around 2001). I, for the first time in my life, witnessed a boy of 5 year old still sucking on mothers breasts until he fell asleep. If he was for some reason not allowed, he would cry until he would get what he wanted...breast! What a scene?! What I`m trying to say is that kids in Japan are much more emotionaly attached to their mothers/parents than in my country (Slovenia) that`s for sure. Don`t know about America, though I suspect kids become independent earlier than Japanese one`s do. In general, I believe Japanese kids are emotionaly week and "socialy disabled". However, this phenomenon is changing, but to overcome this I believe they should take away the role of "substitute parents" from teachers and allow them to act as "teachers - person who passess down knowledge" and allow them to be advisors in a field of education and not human relations and social behavior. Parents should teach their children how to behave, to understand what is wrong and what is right, parents should be the one to whom a child turns to when in need for an advice on human relations. That`s why there are so many cry-babies, `cause they are spoiled and used to get what they want by crying. But you can`t give love to a child in a form of "things" or "in a form of allowing him to do whatever he/she wants". A child will cry, because he needs LOVE, he is looking for attention, he needs guidance, he needs parenting. So, I guess in the end it is not a child we should be blaming for crying, but rather their parents `cause they failed to really look what their child wants. THEIR PURE LOVE! It`s a magical circle! Where do we cut in is my question? Another reason is as Pat said "they are tought that making mistakes is not good!" I spoke my mind! Love, peace and happiness to all
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Post by patrick on Oct 24, 2007 13:17:15 GMT 8
Smoothie,
To be fair to the 5 year old child...I cry too when I don't get breast...
Seriously though, let me propose a question. Do you think in a 'collective' culture it is possible to have a 'responsible' subculture? Meaning, in a culture where everyone looks after each other, do you think it is possible to have parents who take responsibility for their own children? If you've worked in the public schools here in Japan long enough, you know what Smoothie said was true, "teachers are substitute parents, and one's perspective on life is not solely shaped at home."
Japan is one of the last countries that is truely 'pure'. Meaning, the population is 99% 100%-Japanese. Hypothetically speaking, if Japan WANTED to change and have schools teach and parents parent, what do you think would have to change in order for this to happen?
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Post by matt on Oct 25, 2007 15:24:36 GMT 8
There is so much to be said on this topic! In my elementary days we had to deal with bullies...and into Jr. High, and then they just got worse. But we learned how to deal with them in our own ways. We either fought them or we submitted to them, or we learned how to not be targeted by them. Basically, if a kid was a crybaby he had to growup and out of that and learn how to deal with a situation without some kind of parental/teacher involvement. This is how life works but on a much larger scale. When you are at work and something does not go your way, crying about it solves nothing. (well, crying can relieve some stress, but it's not going to actually change the situation itself....you get the picture!). You learn how to deal with the situation so that when your BOE shuts your internet down you can deal with it in a different and positive way to actually help solve the situation and move forward. This is something that is not taught at a practical level in the school system in Japan because it's so collectivist. Everything is everyone's problems. But the problem is that a collectivist society can only deal with everyone- not every one. So kids who need some extra attention/love try to get it the only way they know how. When families start dealing with their own kids as a family, as individuals, then it's possible for proper discipline and proper love to take place. Then kids learn that even though they are in a society and part of everyone, they are still an individual who is cared for and loved AS an individual. This is the basic function of the family, and a total collectivist society takes that away and we end up with an epidemic of kids crying in class dying to get noticed. And it doesn't stop with elementary school. As I said with the whole bullying thing, if kids only learn how to deal with situations that don't make them happy in a proper way, then it will continue through Jr. High and on into highschool and into college...and into adulthood when they're still living at home yelling at their mothers to make them cookies. If you train a child up in the way they are suppossed to go when they are older they will not stray from it. it's as simple as that.
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Post by smoothie on Nov 5, 2007 9:01:34 GMT 8
I just read this article in todays Japan Times: search.japantimes.co.jp/cgi-bin/fl20071104x1.htmlHave a look at it, that`s exactly what I had in mind, when I was writing about Parental LOVE, etc. She looked at even broader picture of social interaction and relations, reason for failing and much more. I`m ordering her book from Amazon as we speak. Love to you all!
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Post by junkdna on Nov 7, 2007 19:38:46 GMT 8
I ask them if they want me to give them something to really cry about... aka the back of my hand. how do you handle these situations?
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Post by hellndie on Nov 9, 2007 11:29:55 GMT 8
we should just buy cans of pepper spray and spray those brats so they can cry for real!
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Post by Otaku on Nov 9, 2007 12:45:56 GMT 8
we should just buy cans of pepper spray and spray those brats so they can cry for real! Damn! I feel sorry for your boyfriend...
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