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Post by junkdna on Oct 31, 2008 20:52:50 GMT 8
While I'm on such a roll... For those of you who don't know, I write short fiction; everything from flash to 12,000 words. Unfortunately it's nothing the students can read (too hard and too explicit). But I have always thought it would be great to share stories with them. Would peeps here be interested in sharing stories with their students? Original stories that WE write? They wouldn't have to be long. They could be of any (class) length. I think it would be a kick. And I'd like to associate it with Englipedia (if you would care to have it Otaku). I'm thinking of hosting it at Tumblr.com as it such an easy site to use. ESL FictionHell, I'm just going to go start it and you all can join in as you like.
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Post by junkdna on Nov 7, 2008 13:48:49 GMT 8
Here's a rough draft of the first story I would like to submit (to my own site), I would like some feedback. It's based on an old Japanese folk tale (to which unfortunately I do not know the name). Has anyone heard of it? This version is a retooling of one I heard told on NHK this morning. So it's in my own words. Beyond the obvious need for editing of caps, THOUGHTS? COMMENTS? SUGGESTIONS?
the cat and the bowl
a well-known lacquer ware salesman traveled the country selling his goods. always walking great distances, he would often visit customers to rest.
one day he visited an old widow.
"hello. it's been a very long time," she said and offered him tea.
"thank you. yes, it has. how are you?" he asked.
"I'm well thank you. I have all these cats to keep me company."
the salesman looked around and saw all the cats in her house. there must have been thirty or more cats!
"oh my! you have a lot of cats!" he exclaimed.
"yes. I never become lonely."
"how wonderful." the salesman sipped his tea and watched the cats. then he saw a small, dirty cat eating from a beautiful bowl.
he looked at the bowl and realized it was a very special bowl! "that bowl is very famous, and very expensive. it must be worth 300 ryo," he thought. "I want that bowl. The old woman must not know it is special because she uses it to feed her cats!"
"Ma'am. It is nice these cats keep you company. My wife gets lonely too. May I buy one of your cats?"
"Oh dear, no. I'm sorry. I love my cats very much."
"I understand, but I will pay you 3 ryo for one cat."
"3 ryo? One cat is not worth 3 ryo."
"Please. I really want one of your cats."
"Well... okay. Which one?"
the salesman pointed to the small, dirty cat eating from the expensive bowl. "That one please."
She gave him the cat and he paid three ryo. "Oh thank you," he said. "But I would also like to have the cat's bowl. I hear cat's don't like to eat from different bowls."
"this bowl?" she picked up the bowl.
"Yes. Please."
"Oh no, I'm sorry. I cannot sell this bowl."
"Why not?"
"Well, the bowl is very famous and expensive. So I cannot sell it."
The old widow knew the value of the bowl. And she would not sell it. The salesman was disappointed. He did not understand why the old widow used the bowl for cats.
"I do not understand. If you know the bowl is expensive, why do you use it to feed cats?"
"Because, sometimes the bowl makes the cats worth 3 ryo."
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Post by Otaku on Nov 7, 2008 18:36:09 GMT 8
I think the word choices are simple enough that students could read it...if they were motivated enough.
I do like how there isn't too long of paragraphs.
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Post by junkdna on Nov 7, 2008 20:16:52 GMT 8
well remember, this is not exclusively for jhs students. the idea of the page is for a variety of levels with (hopefully) different reading levels being submitted all the time.
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Post by junkdna on Nov 14, 2008 11:08:22 GMT 8
Two new stories up: John Henry & the Cat and the Bowl -- eslfiction.tumblr.comFiles @ www.orbitfiles.com/users/junkdnaAgain, if you have suggestions, comments, find mistakes or whatever, PLEASE do not be shy in saying so. While I feel comfortable writing fiction, Easy/Simple (Young Adult-esque?) writing is something I am still working at, and I can use all the help I can get.
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Post by Otaku on Nov 14, 2008 11:54:04 GMT 8
"Big Bend Mountain is very, very big." -- I think this sentence needs a past tense verb. "Finally, John Henry’s hammers broke through the mountain and he won!" -- John Henry is only one man, so I believe he can only have one hammer.
Over, interesting and easy-to-read story. Personally, I don't like starting a sentence off with 'because', not because it's grammatically incorrect but it opens the doors to fragmented sentences...however, this is one of my pet peeves.
"He was always walking great distances, so he would often visit customers to rest." -- To me, this sentence sounds strange. I would say, "He would often walk great distances. So, when he would visit customers, he would sometimes [take a] rest."
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Post by junkdna on Nov 14, 2008 15:00:20 GMT 8
Cool. I think I have a long way to go on getting this Easy English down, but I think it's an important skill. I'm sure there are going to be more revisions than I care to ENvision at this point, but one step at a time, I'll get there. BTW, John Henry was a man's man, and by God and all that is good in this world, the man could swing a hammer in each hand. =) What's a good folktake without a little exaggeration? Don't you know your John Henry?
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Post by Otaku on Nov 14, 2008 15:36:23 GMT 8
That story sounds a little familiar, but I'm afraid the only Johns I know are Doe and Hancock.
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Post by junkdna on Nov 17, 2008 7:36:09 GMT 8
o.O
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